super dog

Since this morning - or, more accurately, since it is nearly 2 A.M., yesterday morning - Rocko's "Brahma bull" neck has subsided almost entirely. The wounds on his lip fizz a little bit when I apply hydrogen peroxide, but the scab doesn't slough off with the fizz anymore. His energy is almost back to normal.

Meanwhile, I finally got back out of bed after fighting for sleep for two hours.

At about midnight, Lisa ordered me to go and take one of her Lyrica capsules and a Valium because I was, quote, "jumping all over the place." I had fallen asleep long enough for her to turn off the TV but immediately went into some kind of jimmy-leg fit.

I reluctantly took the pills and went back to bed, closing the windows and turning on the A/C for both our comfort. She then said that if I couldn't settle down in an hour or so I should take some Xanax.

By 1:30 A.M. I couldn't stand it anymore. I kept waking myself up, never even reaching a dream state. I made a glass of chocolate milk, let Rocko out and fired up the computer to see if anything earth-shaking had happened since 10 P.M. Remarkably enough I found nothing of interest. And so I write.

Sitting here wide awake with my legs telling me to get up and run around reminded me of her offer of Xanax. So I picked up my Mini Maglite and found the pill bottle. We rearranged the room today with the new furniture and I didn't know how she had arranged things, plus I didn't want to wake her. She's sleeping well.

I took a couple of milligrams of Xanax and am now hoping that it will make me tired enough to get solid sleep.

You, know, there was a time when I would have taken these pills for fun. Not very often - I didn't seek them out - but if a Valium made its way into my hand during a night of drinking and drugging, what the hell? It would at least help take the edge off of the coke so that I might not end up pulling another all-nighter out on the town.

There is no fun to be found by me in any of these things anymore. I don't like the dopey feeling that I get from Valium or Xanax. A lot of young people wish that they could get legitimate prescriptions for this kind of medicine. Sure, they go well with beer (so long as you aren't driving) but when you feel the need to take this kind of crap just to get a night's sleep, the old magic is gone.

The only drug that I would prefer to use is marijuana. We can't afford that. It helps Lisa with her pain and appetite, but unless a friend stops in with a bud to smoke - and that is a very rare occurrence, as our friend are poor too - we go without. Besides, I'm looking for work and can't have it in my system.

On the other hand, if I could take a couple hits off a bong or pipe, I would probably get to sleep easily. Instead I'm stuck taking nasty pharmaceuticals, if only rarely. And I await with hope the heavy eyelids that should be coming along pretty soon.

Lisa reminded me that on my next psych visit I must let them know on the strongest possible terms that while Lexapro helps my depression, I also have sleep problems. I've been given nighttime psych meds before that helped me sleep. They usually have side effects like excessive weight gain and morning hangovers. No fun, no fun.

On the bright side of things, Karl gave me that swell bike yesterday. More exercise should help my legs settle down and make it easier for me to sleep at night.