hospitalization part 1

On April 7, 2007 I checked myself into PATH, our local short-term psych ward. I was feeling suicidal (again).

The day had started badly. I was broke as usual. I tried to contact my son, through my ex-wife; she was frustrated with what he has been putting her through and took it out on me, calling me "worthless." That just made things worse; one thing led to another and I ended up calling the cops to get myself in for treatment.

They gave me supper shortly after I arrived. It didn't sit very well. Six hours later, I thought I had food poisoning - powerful vomiting and dizziness. Soon I found myself unable to catch my breath. I asked them to call 911, and they did.

The paramedics insisted that my problem was simply the D.T.'s, a problem I have never had. They couldn't find a pulse and my blood pressure was practically nonexistent.

At the hospital they put me on several IVs and, when I couldn't stop vomiting, they put a tube through my nose and down to my stomach to suck out whatever was there. The tube stayed in for a week, until I pulled it out myself. I couldn't breathe well with it in place and couldn't blow my nose to clear things up.

I was on IVs only, no oral intake at all - not even water - for two weeks.

To be continued ...


  1. One wonders about the worth of someone who would call another person "worthless," especially the father of their children.

  2. Actually, the correct word was "useless", not worthless.

    It was used in the context of the sentance "I have no need for useless people or things in my life right now"... not worthless.

  3. I believe there is a significant difference between the two words

  4. Well, if someone called me worthless or useless, it would hurt me deeply and make me question my worth. If I were depressed, it might make me even more incapable of improving my usefulness. If I had to give most of my salary to an ex, especially one probably even more capable of earning a living than I am, I would wonder what is the point in even trying. If I lived on the street, I don't know how I'd survive. By the way, when I got a divorce, I refused alimony, despite having been married for 19 years as a stay-at-home wife and mother, because I don't think one person should have to support another with whom he is not involved. If my ex had been destroyed by circumstances, I'd have some compassion. I try to follow the Golden Rule and practice fairness and human kindness in all I do.