hassled by the cops

... again

Last Friday I was stopped by the cops. I wasn't driving, I was walking behind a strip mall. There aren't any "No Trespassing" signs, so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.

The cops disagreed.

They ran my ID (no problem, I have no warrants or previous arrests), then they searched me and my backpack. One cop asked, "when was the last time you were arrested?" I told him that I had never been arrested in Florida.

"How long have you been here?" Seven years.

"When was the last time you were arrested in Tallahassee?" Hmmm? Never arrested in Florida, ergo never in Tallahassee. Dumbass.

"How have you managed to stay out of trouble for so long?" By obeying the law, you asshole.

They took particular issue with my cellphone, provided by my job.

"If all you do at TCC is move furniture, why would they give you a phone?" the cop asked sarcastically. "Because I am all over campus and need to remain in contact," I replied. He was obviously skeptical. "A phone would be very easy to steal," he said. I didn't bother to tell him that I don't steal anything from anyone.

He brought up the Contact list on the phone and made me recite several names before reluctantly returning the phone.

Then he shone his flashlight on my hands, studying my fingertips closely. "You've been smoking crack. There are telltale burn marks on your thumb and forefinger." That was complete bullshit; I haven't been smoking crack, first of all, and second, there are most certainly not any burn marks.

They detained me for about 20 minutes, searching and questioning and questioning some more. They finally let me go and, as I walked away, they all started laughing. I don't care what they were laughing about; I laughed about it myself (after cursing them thoroughly and completely, once I was out of earshot). When I arrived at my destination I told some friends about the fiasco. When asked why I had been stopped, I said, "because I am a baaaaaad man!"

Cops stop me and check my ID at least once a month. Why? My theory is that they have nothing better to do in a college town full of drunken drivers and real crime.