spider frenzy

JOHNSON CITY, N.Y. (AP) - A worker at a sporting goods store tried to kill a spider by burning it and ignited a fire that caused the evacuation of the mall where the store is located.

There are some moments in your life that you remember forever, memories that require but a simple stimulus to restore them reality. All too often, these are things that you would prefer to forget. Such is the case here.

OK, I have to let it out. I need to relate this old spider memory publicly (which assumes that anybody actually reads my blog, but hey, it could happen) in order to purge my soul. At least that's what I learned from years of AA and psychotherapy, not necessarily in that order.

So there I was, in a tavern in Egypt, NY - a tavern I used to patronize on an almost-daily basis. Through some twist of fate, on this particular evening I found myself in a long conversation with a beautiful blonde in a long white dress. She was also a regular patron, but she wasn't there as often as I; a couple of times per week at most. I had admired this woman from afar for well over a year.

As we spoke, there was a look in her eyes that in later years I would learn means "don't be an ass, you might actually have a chance with this woman tonight." A part of that caveat tickled my brain; the only problem was that the "don't be an ass" portion of the message didn't come through. Stupid analog connection. Thank goodness we have digital sound these days.

She and I were getting along famously, and for a long time at that. In those days I tended to unintentionally dissuade women or simply find myself too shy to even speak. Not on that night! If not for a spider, in the wrong place at the wrong time, we could have still been on speaking terms the next morning.

We were standing at the bar, talking in an animated fashion and enjoying the company of one another, when I reached for my beer and saw a spider crawling on the bar. I pulled out my lighter and tried to burn the spider. My lady friend told me not to do it, but (as I mentioned earlier) I hadn't heard the "don't be an ass" warning. I chased the spider with my lighter and in the process knocked over the lady's drink, spilling it all down her dress.

Did I mention that she was wearing a white dress? Her drink was, unfortunately, red wine. Suddenly she was wearing a long white dress with a red-wine stain that occupied roughly 40% of the garment. Predictably enough, she shrieked and ran out. Also predictably, she never spoke to me again.